TITLE CARD:
"Meanwhile, in Solstice, the greatest heroes of all time gather at the Motel of the Last House to plan their response to this new threat to Prynn."
WIZBANG:
"Halt! Who are you, weary travelers?"
DALLAS:
"I am Dallas, half-human. You would be well advised to hide the women when I approach, old man. These are my friends!"
BANANA:
I am an elven princess whose full name is Banana-fana-fo-fana-me-my-mo-mana-fe-fi-fo-fana-banana! I spend much of my time making sure that Dallas is too busy to think about .. well, let's just say anyone but me!"
STERN:
"I am Stern Dullwit, a Salami Knight of the Bratwurst. I live by my strict code: 'My honor is my life except when it isn't and then it's something else."
WIZBANG:
"It's great to see you again. I am Wizbang -- as if you didn't know. Is this where the class reunion
DALLAS:
"No, old man! We have come together to save the world one more time. No one else seems to be able to do it. We are characters with clout!"
WIZBANG:
"Well, the rest of your geriatric group has proceeded you here!
CARIBOU:
"I am Caribou -- idiot brother to the greatest mage of all time: Waistline! And, of course, you all know my wife, Tiki."
TIKI:
"Caribou, please listen to me -- I think you're borther is dead! He's been dead for months now! He's starting to drive away business!"
CARIBOU:
"Waistline? Dead? Hah! Never! He's just pretending to be dead as part of his act to gain my sympathy. He'll come around when we need him. You know, it's one of those 'obscure death rule' things."
TIKI:
"Great! You can wash him from now on! Say, who else is here?"
BLUEMOON:
(singing)
"Old man river! That old man river! He must know something, but don't say nothing ..."
CREEKYBREEZE:
"Do not let my wife's strange ways bother you. She was hit by a large quartz rod and hasn't been the same since."
(pause)
"We are of the tribe of ... Ker-chew!"
FRODOHOFF:
"You wouldn't want to go anywhere without me would you? I'm Frodohoff, the halfling with shoes. Let's go pitch the ring into the volcano and get this thing over with!
SLEAZY:
"Not so fast you latch fastener for a portal closure! I'm Sleazy, the eighth dwarf long abandoned by my seven brothers, and I say let's go find ourselves a naive girl in the woods and invite her to stay over at our house -- hey, it really worked for my borhters once -- honest!"
DALLAS:
"Well, at last, we are all together again!"
BANANA:
"Don't you think there are too many of us to keep the plot moving?"
WIBANG:
"Don't worry! If I know Weis & Hickman, you'll all be dying like flies soon. It won't be a problem."
DALLAS:
(with conviction)
"There's only one way to kill a trademark -- and that's with another trademark!
Godzilla! Hear me! We are coming because we are ...
ALL TOGETHER:
... the Heros of the Godzillalance!"
(music up and general cheering)
NEXT ACT!
